Ala2 filem Yasmin Ahmad plak opening aku.
Okla, since my closest friend Ms Talullah has her own blog and she's been pestering me time and time again (padahal sekali je itupun pagi tadi... senang kan nak convince aku... tapi kalau scratch-and-win tu susahle... opsss!! ) to start blogging about my life here in Jakarta, I finally decided to create this blog of mine.
Come to think of it, it is quite a waste not to document the things I go through and encounter during my stay here in Jakarta. On the other hand, my life here is so mundane. The cycle is almost exactly the same day-in day-out. What shall I blog about? Ahhh... I'll think of something to share.
Let's start with diaorrhea.
You see... I just had a violent bout of diaorrhea or diare as the locals call it. Four agonising days of countless deposits into Cik Ban. It was really horrible as though I was peeing from my anus...... memang kuar air je sial.
Tapi pandai plak aku beli Pocari Sweat... the kind of drink you drink after workouts or other sports activities to replenish the body's nutrients lost during sweating.... but in this case urinating through asshole.
It started on Saturday and I only went to see the doctor on Monday. I thought it would be a simple and standard checkup-diagnose-prescribe visit. But nooooo.... It was the most memalukan and menjatuhkan maruah visit.
I was handed a white plastic bag in which there was a cylindrical container.
"Bapak, ini di isi dengan kotorannya ya".
I bet in Malaysia the nurse would say "Encik isi ni dengan taik" or "Encik berak dalam bekas ni yea".
So, off I went, happilly skipping my way to the the toilet to fill the container with my excrement.
I felt like I was in the Amazing Race and had just received a task to complete before I would be given the next clue.
To make the task difficult, the toilet was a dry toilet. See!!! The more reason to believe I was in Amazing Race!
No water hose and not even a bidet!! Babis!!!! All there is was this roll of toilet paper.
It crossed my mind to just do my business and scoop the sample from the toilet but that would be tantamount to distorting the specimen (and a big possibilty of me being given another container to fill hence not getting my next clue....feeling2 Amazing Race).
So, I placed the mouth of the container right at the end of the terowong SMART. Budduh betol le... kereta2 yang kuor from terowong tu bukan reti kuor straight... ada yang meyimpang ke kiri... ada yang tetibe je belok ke kanan...tak bagi signal plak tu. Yang kuor straight sikit je. Babisss tul!.
In the absence of a hose, I had to flush and use the water to clean the bloody container and my hands.... jijiks. Siap aku wiped dry lagi container tu ngan toilet paper.... well... the least I could do la kan... Nanti nurse tu ingat air kotoran plak yang seeped out.
So, off I went, happilly skipping to the nurse, to hand over my kotoran.
"Tunggu ya Pak, ntar lagi di panggil Dr. Richard"
What????!!! Errr.. suster!!!... where is my next clue??? Tak abis2 feeling Amazing Race lagi nih.
Apparently, my kotoron had a lot of amoeba. Gi le google sendiri apa mende amoeba ni. I was prescribed with 10-day course of antibiotics.
Panjang pulak story aku on diaorrhea ni.
Sekian sahaja posting pertama saya yang agak menjijikkan untuk dijadikan posting pertama. Untuk tidak menghampakan rakan saya Ms Talullah, saya berazam untuk membeli sebuah kamera bermega-mega pixel yang nipis supaya saya dapat menghiasi blog saya ini dengan foto-foto yang menarik dari pandangan mata saya dan juga foto-foto yang secara paksaan halus dari Ms Talullah untuk di feature kan di sini. Untuk itu saya akan membuka Tabung Kamera Bermega-mega Pixel untuk mencapai hasrat murni ini.