The Search For My New Abode

It's already approaching December, meaning I have to find a new place to reside within the next four weeks.

The contract for my current residence will end on 31st January 2008. How time flies. It seemed like not too long ago when I moved in there. I grew fond of the place. The well lanscaped gardens, the bamboo trees, the cascading waterfall, the friendly security staff and not forgetting the close proximity of the place to central Jakarta.

Well, one thing for sure, I won't be missing my new Korean neighbour. I said new because they had just moved in early September. The whole family have this extremely annoying habit of slamming hard every single time they shut the door and the iron grille. Ni bukan the kind of door slamming that we (well, I) normally do when we are late for something, but more like the door slamming after one had a heated argument with a lover (yang ini I don't normally do).

The door slamming lasted until last week.

Remember my diaorrhea?

It was an awful Sunday morning. I had spent the entire Saturday night waking every hour to relieve myself. Around 7 am (7 pagi hari Ahad!!!) there was this loud bang which came from my neighbour's unit. Someone from next door had apparently slammed shut the door again. It was so violent that my door was practically vibrating from the effect.

Feeling highly agitated I marched towards my unit's entrance hoping to find the idiot. Apparently he or she had left, probably at that time budak bangang tu was already at the elevator doors. Frustrated, I slammed my door hard (kononnya nak balas le). I was about to enter my bedroom when I heard voices coming from the neighbour's entrance.

This time I ran towards the door and upon opening it I saw a Korean girl in her mid-teens (the daughter kot) standing there staring at me with a confused look on her face (more like confused plus bangang look).

I was on auto-mencarut mode.

"WHY CAN'T YOU LEARN TO SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR GENTLY!!!! DON'T YOU BLOODY KOREANS HAVE DOORS IN F*C*ING KOREA???? and I slammed the door, this time twice as hard. Sial..... terlebih kuat le pulak. And no, I didn't actually say the second sentence... but I had wanted to since I was on auto-mencarut mode. Tapi tak kuar plak. Nanti sia2 je ada bouncer Korea datang ketuk pintu apartment aku. Baru padan muka aku. Remember the "GET BACK TO YOUR CAR!!!" incident???....

And since that fateful Sunday morning, I got my peace back.

So now, I am in the midst of looking for my new house and a cheap one too. Cheap because the company is on a cost-saving exercise. More like selective cost-saving to me. I feel that the whole damn cost-saving thing should be targeted more to the higher management. For starters, senior managers and above must travel on economy instead of the current business class. Banyak savings kat situ tuuuu...... the day my Tan Sri chairman travels on economy is the day Jaafar Onn turns straight. Memang takkan le tu.

Ok. My next al-cheapo dwelling should at least fullfill the requirements below:

A) Fully furnished. Boleh ke? Dah le suruh cari murah, fully furnished plak tu. I don't mind about the furniture because I have been planning to buy them here tapi gila hapa nak expect me to buy a fridge, TV and a washing machine.

B) Must be a landed property. Cukupla I've been traumatised from having to experience the earthquake twice. It'll be nice if the house has a small lawn. Or a nice water feature.... berangan.

C) The house must be in a nice and exclusive neighbourhood. Ni pun berangan lagi. Boleh ke dengan budget yang ciput? Ok, forget about exclusive... it should at least be in an area where security is not a problem. Aku dahle dok sorang, kalau ada yang merompak aku sapa nak tolong? Lontaran vokal aku memang lemah.

D) Zona bebas banjir (flood free zone). Aku tak pernah menyelamatkan diri naik bumbung rumah dan tak pernah diselamatkan naik perahu and I am not planning to experience it here, thank you.

E) Gorgeous looking neighbours. Takkan aku sorang je yang gorgeous kat situ. Enggang berkawan dengan enggang aja ok. Then I would buy a set of garden chairs so that my friends could come over and have cekodok or goreng pisang while feasting our eyes on the neighbours. Ok tak Ms Talullah?

There you have it. Tak le demanding sangat kan?Now I have to start browsing the internet for houses for rent.

Jumping on the bandwagon...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim......

Ala2 filem Yasmin Ahmad plak opening aku.

Okla, since my closest friend Ms Talullah has her own blog and she's been pestering me time and time again (padahal sekali je itupun pagi tadi... senang kan nak convince aku... tapi kalau scratch-and-win tu susahle... opsss!! ) to start blogging about my life here in Jakarta, I finally decided to create this blog of mine.

Come to think of it, it is quite a waste not to document the things I go through and encounter during my stay here in Jakarta. On the other hand, my life here is so mundane. The cycle is almost exactly the same day-in day-out. What shall I blog about? Ahhh... I'll think of something to share.

Let's start with diaorrhea.

You see... I just had a violent bout of diaorrhea or diare as the locals call it. Four agonising days of countless deposits into Cik Ban. It was really horrible as though I was peeing from my anus...... memang kuar air je sial.

Tapi pandai plak aku beli Pocari Sweat... the kind of drink you drink after workouts or other sports activities to replenish the body's nutrients lost during sweating.... but in this case urinating through asshole.

It started on Saturday and I only went to see the doctor on Monday. I thought it would be a simple and standard checkup-diagnose-prescribe visit. But nooooo.... It was the most memalukan and menjatuhkan maruah visit.

I was handed a white plastic bag in which there was a cylindrical container.

"Bapak, ini di isi dengan kotorannya ya".

Kotoran????

Cakapjela taik!!!

I bet in Malaysia the nurse would say "Encik isi ni dengan taik" or "Encik berak dalam bekas ni yea".

So, off I went, happilly skipping my way to the the toilet to fill the container with my excrement.

I felt like I was in the Amazing Race and had just received a task to complete before I would be given the next clue.

To make the task difficult, the toilet was a dry toilet. See!!! The more reason to believe I was in Amazing Race!

No water hose and not even a bidet!! Babis!!!! All there is was this roll of toilet paper.

It crossed my mind to just do my business and scoop the sample from the toilet but that would be tantamount to distorting the specimen (and a big possibilty of me being given another container to fill hence not getting my next clue....feeling2 Amazing Race).

So, I placed the mouth of the container right at the end of the terowong SMART. Budduh betol le... kereta2 yang kuor from terowong tu bukan reti kuor straight... ada yang meyimpang ke kiri... ada yang tetibe je belok ke kanan...tak bagi signal plak tu. Yang kuor straight sikit je. Babisss tul!.

In the absence of a hose, I had to flush and use the water to clean the bloody container and my hands.... jijiks. Siap aku wiped dry lagi container tu ngan toilet paper.... well... the least I could do la kan... Nanti nurse tu ingat air kotoran plak yang seeped out.

So, off I went, happilly skipping to the nurse, to hand over my kotoran.

"Tunggu ya Pak, ntar lagi di panggil Dr. Richard"

What????!!! Errr.. suster!!!... where is my next clue??? Tak abis2 feeling Amazing Race lagi nih.

Apparently, my kotoron had a lot of amoeba. Gi le google sendiri apa mende amoeba ni. I was prescribed with 10-day course of antibiotics.

Panjang pulak story aku on diaorrhea ni.

Sekian sahaja posting pertama saya yang agak menjijikkan untuk dijadikan posting pertama. Untuk tidak menghampakan rakan saya Ms Talullah, saya berazam untuk membeli sebuah kamera bermega-mega pixel yang nipis supaya saya dapat menghiasi blog saya ini dengan foto-foto yang menarik dari pandangan mata saya dan juga foto-foto yang secara paksaan halus dari Ms Talullah untuk di feature kan di sini. Untuk itu saya akan membuka Tabung Kamera Bermega-mega Pixel untuk mencapai hasrat murni ini.

Sekian, terima kasih.