The Quickest Way To Get High Blood

Want to know the easiest way to get yourself a high blood pressure?

Go and deal with Indonesian Banks.

In my previous posting I wrote about my bad experience dealing with Bank LNM (actually Bank BCA - Bank Central Asia).

Today, I had another round of equally frustrating incident with another bank, Bank BII.

I had with me some money in USD denomination which I wanted to deposit into my USD account with BII. All the notes were in pristine condition i.e. they're not torn, no scribblings and did not even have fold marks.

I went to the nearest BII branch, which was at Pondok Indah Mall. I went to the counter where they had all the forms neatly arranged and took the deposit form. The security personnel was even kind enough to take a queue number for me while I was busy filling in the form.

So far, so good.

Then, my number was called. I handed the teller lady my form along with my money. She scrutinised all the notes like an Egypthologist scrutinising an artefect from King Tut's tomb.

This was when the nightmare began.



She showed me the single patah note. Bloody hell... it's just a tiny weeny fold mark which would be unnoticed at a glance... or a few glances.

To me it was still too minor a patah to be such a big issue.

Me : "Mbak, patahnya cuma kecil aja. Apa nggak bisa terima?"

Teller : "Bentar saya tanyakan ke supervisor saya"

Moments later,

Teller : "Nggak bisa terima pak"

Me : "Mbak, uang itu di buat dari kertas. Bukannya dari plastik yang keras. Makanya memang wajar jika ada kesan begitu"

At this moment I was starting to get highly agitated.

The supervisor decided to interrupt.

Supervisor : "Kami bisa terima, tapi bapak harus bayar komisi 1%"

Pungkok hang!! Aku ni dah le customer nak simpan duit dalam bank diaorg, ada hati nak charge aku for such a bloody trifle thing.

Me : "What should I do now?"

Teller : "Terus gimana pak?"

Phantuekkk sangat. Aku tanya ko, ko tanya aku balik.

I simply could not contain my anger. I exploded.

Me : "Tak payah. Bagi balik duit saya. Indonesia ni pelik!!! Banyak peraturan bodoh!!!" I deliberately spoke in Bahasa Malaysia. All eyes were on me.

Peduli hapa aku!

I took back my money from the teller's hands and walked off. I then called BII's customer service line to find out the next nearest BII branch.

Half an hour later I arrived at BII Plaza Pondok Indah branch. Repeated the same routine and waited for my number to be called.

Ting!!!Tong!! Nomer Sembilan Puluh Enam... my number was called less than two minutes later.

Again, I did the same thing. Handed over the deposit form and the money. This time the teller gave the money to the supervisor to be inspected.

Two minutes passed. The teller came back to me with the money in hand. I braced myself for what she had to say.

Teller : "Pak, ada dua lembar uangnya patah"

Me : "Mbak, saya tadinya udah pergi ke cabang di Pondok Indah. Saya tidak puas hati dengan service di sana. Makanya saya datang ke sini. I came all the way from Pondok Indah and I expect to get better service here!"

Teller : "Tapi pak, memang kami tidak bisa terima uang dalam kondisi begini"

Me : "Mbak, saya udah berantam dengan orang2 di Pondok Indah. Makanya saya datang ke sini. Uang itu di buat dari kertas. Bukannya plastik. Saya sudah bekerja di Cambodia, di Singapore (okay, a little lie here), di Kuala Lumpur, nggak ada peraturan yang bodoh dan nggak masuk akal seperti di Indonesia ini!"

Again, the moment I said bodoh, all eyes were on me. The supervisor decided to assist her subordinate.

Supervisor : "Tapi pak, bukan di bank ini sahaja, peraturannya di seluruh bank2 di Indonesia"

Me : "Makanya, peraturan yang gak masuk akal seperti ini yang harus dirubah. Mbak pikir ya, jika saya ke Amerika, tentu uangnya saya masuk ke dalam dompet dan di lipat. Terus, jika saya pulang ke Indonesia uang yang udah di lipat itu saya harus ganti di mana? You don't expect me to frame my USD notes dan bawa frame itu waktu berjalan?"

The supervisor mumbled something to the teller.

Teller : "Kali ini kami terima uang bapak. Tapi kami mohon yang seterusnya bapak pastikan uangnya dalam kondisi baik. Maaf ya pak".

Me : "Terima kasih mbak. Tapi saya tetap katakan peraturan itu nggak masuk akal. Ianya harus dirubah. Maaf mbak Sandy dan Tanti karena saya agak emosional. Tadinya saya udah di reject keras oleh cabang Pondok Indah. Justeru itu saya ke sini"

They did the right thing i.e. giving priority to customer's satisfaction at the expense of the bank's stupid policy. I commended them for that. I wish their colleagues at the Pondok Indah Mall could learn a thing or two on good customer service from these two ladies.

To calm myself down, I went for a quick retail therapy and bought a... errrr... tak yah lah bgtau. Korang datang sini aku tunjuk apa aku beli untuk lower my blood pressure.

@#$#$#$%^*&^%%!!!!!!!

I am really pissed off!! What a bad way to start the day.

I'm in the midst of applying for a housing loan. The Malaysian bank from which I made my loan application had asked me to furnish them with the past 3-months' account statement of the Indonesian bank into which my allowance is being credited.

So, this morning I went to the Indonesian bank (which shall be known as Bank LNM - Lembab Nak Mampos).

But before that, yesterday, I called their customer service to ask how I could get my bank statement printed. The lady on the other end of the line explained everything.

Okay. Everything seemed simple enough. It is always important to have a worst case scenario in your mind so that you would not get overly frustrated.

So, the worst case scenario I had was that I would be asked to come back the following day to collect my bank statement.

I had it done in KL before and I got the bank statement on the same day. This being Indonesia, I added another 24 hrs. Afterall, Bank LNM is one of the largest banks in Indonesia.

And so, this morning I did exactly what I was told. I went to the branch where I opened my account and brought along with me all the necsessary documents i.e my passbook, Indonesian I.D and Malaysian passport.

So there I was this morning, at the customer service counter, explaining to the CS lady the purpose of my visit.

I then produced all the documents required. The CS lady smiled.

CS lady : "Bapak keburu apa nggak?"

Hmmm... I gave a quick thought. If I say I wasn't in a hurry, she might ask me to wait for some time for the statement to be printed out. If I say yes, I really want the statement as soon as possible, maybe she would print it instantly.

Me : " Ya mbak. Saya agak keburu. Saya mau rekening korannya di print sekarang"

CS lady : "Maaf pak, kami nggak bisa print sekarang. Permohonan bapak harus kami kirim ke bank pusat dan bank pusat akan kirim kembali ke sini."

Me : "Terus, kapan bisa saya ambil?"

CS lady : "Lima hari pak"

Seriously, I swore I could feel blood rising to my head. If I were Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, this was the moment where my shirt would have started ripping and I would start turning green.

Me : "Aduuhh!!! Benda yang simple harus ngambil 5 hari??!! Saya stress mbak!! Stress!!! Stress!!". I said this with both my hands on my forehead.

I did a cerekarama/sinetron/soap opera at the customer service counter. I was over-dramatising my frustration. The CS lady manning the other counter was now staring at me.

Peduli apa aku!! Memang lahanat sangat bank ni!!!

I regained my composure.

Me : "Ok mbak. Hari ini Khamis. Jika 5 hari, maka hari Khamis minggu depan baru saya bisa dapat statement saya. Oleh karena ini Indonesia, saya pasti saya nggak bakalan dapat statement saya hari Khamis. Saya kasi sampei Jum'at. Saya mau mbak pastikan paling lambat saya terima statement saya hari Jum'at minggu depan. Jika saya terima statement saya lebih awal dari hari Khamis, itu satu keajaiban yang besar".

By now, the customer seated at next counter was looking at me. It was not my intention to insult anyone, but I've been here long enough to know how they work.

I left the bank feeling utterly frustrated. I just could not fathom how such a simple thing as printing a bank statement would require 5 bloody working days.

As I always say, that's Indonesia folks!!

Driving In KL and Jakarta

When it comes to driving, I can be considered a late starter. At 17, most of my friends knew how to drive. Whether they were driving legally, that's a diferrent story.

Back then, I couldn't care less about learning how to drive. There was no pressure. This may be due to the fact that my family had only one car. Even if I had learnt to drive, the car was always being used by my father. Except for night time.

My parents were strict. My siblings and I were brought up with a lot of rules thrown upon us. So, back then, going out at night to hang out with friends was something we didn't get to do often. I simply couldn't imagine my parents allowing me to drive for a rendevous with my friends at that time.

Motorbike was (and still is) a big no to my mother.

You see, my mother was a nurse. She worked in the HUKM surgery clinic at HKL. She'd seen every imaginable injury from motorbike accidents. Hence, the motorbike phobia.

So, at 18, when I pursued my Diploma in Shah Alam, I felt I was the only male student on campus who neither knew how to drive nor ride a motorbike. And to make it even more malufying (embarassing), I was a KL boy. Hey, back then, a city boy was expected to at least know how to ride a motorbike.

Eventually, I did learn how to ride a bike, thanks to my room mate, Ridhuan. But I remember I wasn't particularly excited about it.

My first ever experience driving a car was in the U.K. My housemate, Buntal (nama samaran sebenar), had allowed me to drive his car in a large vacant parking bay. Okay.... it was an automatic transmission car. It made everything easier.

I was excited. Buntal was nervous.

Months later, I had my first formal driving lessons from a certified driving instructor. I opted for the automatic car. In the U.K, you could get a driver's license specifically for automatic cars.

Pemandu Cacat (disabled driver) was the term my friends fondly used on me.

So, my early driving experience was in the U.K where almost everyone followed the rules on the road. As far as I could remember, they were civilised drivers. It was such a pleasant experience driving in the U.K.

When I came back to KL, the situation was the total opposite. You'd get people tail-gating you so close that you could see their nasal hair from your rear view mirror. They would abruptly change lanes for no apparent reason. Zebra crossings were merely black & white paint on the roads which bears no meaning. Yellow lights meant to increase acceleration. Upon reaching a roundabout, they'd be in the far right lane and do a 9 o' clock. I could go on forever with this, you know.

Fortunately, my U.K driving habits stayed with me eventhough sometimes I do get complaints from my friends for driving by the rules (to them, I'm a slow driver).

Until this day, driving in Malaysia could get me so frustrated and stressful. That's why back in KL, I would only drive at night when there are less morons on the roads.

I used to believe that Malaysia must be the worst place on earth to drive.

Well.... that changed when I arrived in Jakarta.

I always wonder whether motorists in Indonesia receive any formal driving lessons. I say this because they seem to be doing everything wrong.

i) You're driving a car. You give out a signal to make a left turn. You look at your left view mirror for motorbikes. Wait for the stream of motorbikes to pass you before you could make that turn. Somehow, the motorcyclists think that they have the right of way.

ii) Driving at 60 km/h in the fast lane on a highway is acceptable. Don't worry about holding up traffic behind you because they would simply overtake you from the left lane. If all lanes are full, feel free to use the emergency lane for overtaking.

iii) The white lines on the roads are for decorative purpose. On a very heavy traffic day, 3 lanes of road would turn into 5 lanes. The traffic congestion term here is not only confined to "bumper-to-bumper" but also "side mirror-to-side mirror".

iv) When the above (iii) occurs, motorcylists are free to transform the pedestrian sidewalks/footpaths into motorbike lanes. Pedestrians are then expected to give way to the motorbikes by walking carefully on the edges of the footpaths. Those with bad balancing skills might end up in the clogged drains.

v) When the traffic lights turns red, it is actually still green for another 10 seconds or so.

vi) In the situation where you have carelessly passed 15 metres ahead of your grocery shop, don't bother making a u-turn. Feel free to put your car in reverse, and slowly reverse your way until you reach your stop. No one would honk at you. It would be a surprise if they do.

vii) When you've reached your destination in (vi) above and found that there is no parking space available, do not hesitate to park your car in front of the shop by taking up half of the sidewalk and another half of the road lane. Tip the ever present unofficial parking attendant handsomely and he would not mind directing the traffic, which would eventually build-up, because half of the lane have been blocked by your car.

viii) It's ok to ignore zebra crossings (a relief to Malaysian drivers).

viiii) When you are about to join the main road from an intersection, don't bother looking out for cars coming from the right. Just speed ahead. The oncoming traffic from the right would give way to you.

The above are some of the examples which I have witnessed myself.

I do have to say that Indonesian drivers are a patient lot. I always find myself shaking my head in disbelief when I encounter other drivers doing the silliest of things but Indonesians take it in their stride. Seldom showing anger or frustration.

How they do this is beyond me.

Rumah Baru

Last Saturday, I went to the new house for inventory checking.

Found out that I had to buy pillows and bedsheets (these are provided at my current apartment). Terpaksa le beli... kalo idak korang nak tido beralaskan lengan ke?

My small lawn.... Aku pastikan bila aku pindah nanti aku buat pattern mcm kat wembley stadium tu.. bentang tikar, minum teh tarik & makan goreng pisang kat sini ngan Talullah sambil mencuci mata...

Ground floor living area... kat belakang on the left tu kitchen.. and kat belakang tu is the inner courtyard.

The inner courtyard... kat sini sesuai buat BBQ.. sapa suka tidor atas batu bolehle lepak kat sini...

The upper floor living area... bunga dia elok sikit le dpd bunga felda taib andak kat apartment lama..

Still have to buy lots of things. Jangan risau... aku akan meng-casa-impian-kan rumah ni dengan bantuan kawan baik aku, Hajjah Saedatun Halijah.

Soccer Coach

This afternoon, as I was heading to Pondok Indah Mall's foodcourt for lunch, the sight of a stunning bule (caucasion or mat salleh) lady caught my eyes.

She was speaking to a man (back facing me) and moments later she went down the escalator to the ground floor. The man then turned and walked toward my direction.

Hey... I know this guy.

I smiled, extended my right hand and introduced myself. He smiled and shook my hand with a firm handshake.

During the short conversation, I got to know that he's been in Indonesia for a year now. He's currently coaching the Pelita Jaya soccer club. I told him that I haven't had the chance to watch any local soccer clubs in action because I was afraid of the over enthusiastic (read : unruly and highly agressive) soccer fans.

He laughed and agreed with my statement (on the soccer fans). He then asked me how long have I been working in Indonesia to which I said two years and added that I loved it here.

I then said hello to his son and said thank you for his time and excused myself.

Here's a photo of me with the soccer coach.

I deliberately photoshopped the pic into B&W so that the crow's feet at the corner of my eyes would not look that obvious compared with that of the 46-year-old soccer coach... who.. errr... has none (sedih le... dia nampak lagi muda dpd aku).

Ohh... the stunningly beautiful caucasion lady was his wife.

If you want to know more about this soccer coach pls click the link below.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fandi_Ahmad.

Old Batavia (Kota) - Pt. 2

Jalan Melaka pun ada

15 tahun bebudak ni tunggu polis ni tolong deme cross jalan

Cin-taik Sungai Kita!

Old Batavia (Kota) - Pt 1

One not so fine Sunday morning, I was feeling terribly bored. I ran out of things to do at home.

Floors mopped. Bathrooms sparkling clean. Laundry done. Garbage taken out. Plants watered. Nasal hair trimmed. White hair plucked out.

Wasn't in the mood to go to the gym. Wasn't in the mood to meet anyone either. I needed time to do things alone.

Then I remembered a fortnight ago a friend of mine had asked me to follow him to Kota for a photo shoot. I politely turned down his offer because the shoot was at 6am on a Sunday morning. Gila ke hapa nak suruh aku bangun pagi buta hari Ahad...

I took out Jakarta's map to give me a rough idea of Kota's location. This is important because I could confidently instruct the taxi driver which route to take. The key is to sound confident and look as though you've been there thousand of times. Otherwise there might be a chance of you being taken on a longer route.

I was all dressed up. With shades and a small sling bag stuffed with Ipod and the all important camera.

Called a Bluebird taxi. 10 minutes later I was in a taxi. Damn!! Just what I needed. A talkative cab driver!! He was trying to engage in a conversation. Aku tak nak borak le!!! Aku nak menikmati pemandangan Jakarta di pagi Ahad!!

After a 25-minute journey filled with one sided conversation (the cab driver did most of the talking), the taxi pulled over by the side of an old building.

"Udah nyampei Pak. Musium nya ada di depan sana" while pointing toward the direction of a deserted street. Well, after all, it's only 8.00 am.

I got off the cab and walked towards the direction of the museum.

I reached what seemed like a town square. The most prominent building at this square is the Museum Sejarah Jakarta.

Since I was a bit too early, the museum hasn't opened its' doors yet. I decided to explore the whole of Kota on foot.

If you're expecting to see something like the Malacca historical site, then you're in for a great disappointment.

Old buildings are aplenty. A few buildings, mainly those fronting the square, have been wondefully restored. However, beyond this square, most of the old buildings are in a sorry state. It's really a shame.

I simply could not understand why the authorities could not develop Kota into a more decent tourist attraction.If the whole area had been carefully restored to its' glorious days, I'm sure tourists would come in droves.

There weren't any proper footpaths/sidewalks so getting around was a bit treacherous.

Majestic old buildings being left to the harsh elements of nature. Dilapidated. As if waiting to crumble.

I noticed a lot of eyes were on me. I was the only one happily snapping pictures of everything around me. Including the mail box!

Ignore them! Ignore them! You're a very, very tanned British bloke on a holiday in Jakarta - I kept telling myself.

I wandered around Kota for a good one and a half hour. I would come again for the museums one day.

Would I recommend others to visit Kota?

Well, if you're a history buff and love the charm of old buildings, then Kota is a definate yes.

If you're a history buff and love the charm of better looking old buildings carefully restored to its' former glory, then go to Malacca or Penang.

I'll post more photos in my next entry.